I learned a big lesson this week

Hey, Friend Hey!

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This week, I learned a big lesson: uncomfortable questions often lead to uncomfortable answers that breed essential growth.

Let me say that again for the people in the back: Uncomfortable questions often lead to uncomfortable answers that breed essential growth.

Earlier this week, I sent out a newsletter encouraging you to call a friend and ask, “What do you find most valuable about our relationship?”
Well, I decided to take my advice. Here’s how it went:

Me: “Friend, what do you find most valuable about our relationship?”
Friend: “I love that you give liberally to your friends without expecting anything in return.”
Me: (awkward pause) “Wait...can you explain that to me?”
Friend: “You’re generous in friendship, but you don’t ask for what you need.”
Me: “Got it. Love you, friend. Bye!”

As soon as we hung up, I grabbed my journal and wrote: “I now expect my friends to love me urgently, intentionally, and liberally. I will ask for and expect this in the name of friendship.”

It hit me—this uncomfortable question led me to an uncomfortable answer, which is pushing me to grow in an area where I’ve been holding back.

Friendship isn’t a spectator sport. It’s not a passive “show up when you feel like it” kind of deal. I believe proximity is the most valuable asset you can offer anyone—it’s worth more than money or time. Being close to someone, being part of their inner circle, is priceless.

But here’s the thing: relationships require maintenance. And the cost of that maintenance? It depends on you.

For me, I need my friends to:

• Love me urgently (don’t wait until “someday” to show up)
• Love me intentionally (be present and purposeful)
• Love me liberally (don’t hold back!)

It’s not a big ask, but here’s where I’ve failed: I haven’t communicated these needs. My friend’s answer revealed a blind spot. They thought I didn’t require anything in return because I’ve done a terrible job of voicing my expectations.

Here’s why I’m sharing this: So many of us struggle to verbalize what we need in relationships. We assume our loved ones will just know. But assumptions lead to misunderstandings. And misunderstandings lead to unfulfilling relationships.

If you expect little, you’ll get little. If you don’t voice your needs, you won’t be heard. And if you’re sitting in the waiting room of confusion and frustration, wondering why your relationships don’t feel as strong as they should—well, it’s time to have a conversation.

Uncomfortable? Yes. Necessary? Absolutely.

Here are some actionable steps to build stronger friendships

1. Ask the Tough Questions​
   Pick one friend and ask them: “What do you find most valuable about our relationship?” Then, listen with an open heart—even if the answer stings.
2. Define Your Needs​
   Take time to reflect on your expectations in friendship. What do you need to feel supported and valued? Write it down.
3. Communicate Clearly​
   Have a follow-up conversation where you share your needs and desires. Be honest, kind, and direct.
4. Evaluate Alignment​
   Pay attention to how your friend responds. The right people will rise to meet your expectations, while the wrong ones may drift away—and that’s okay.

Growth isn’t always comfortable, but it’s always worth it. As Brené Brown says, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” When we articulate our needs, we give others the chance to meet them. And when we ask uncomfortable questions, we open the door to deeper, more fulfilling relationships.

Friend, you deserve friendships that feel mutual, meaningful, and magnetic. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need. Because when you do, you’re not just strengthening your relationships—you’re strengthening yourself.

Here’s your reminder: Uncomfortable questions often lead to uncomfortable answers that breed essential growth. Go ahead—lean into the discomfort and see what blossoms on the other side.

And, if you're struggling and need a little boost, grab my e-book. It's a quick pocket guide dedicated to getting you in the right frame of mind to put your best foot forward!

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Does this help you at all? Are you ready to shift gears a bit? If so, I want to hear from you. I, too, need feedback, and I want you to reply to this email with a question or topic that needs to be shared in this newsletter.
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Lastly, nudge a friend today. Forward this email with a note that says, “Love you, friend!” ​
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I am cheering you forward from victory to victory!

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Sybil.

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